By Anaïs Nin
Read or Download Fire: From "A Journal of Love" The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1934-1937 PDF
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Additional resources for Fire: From "A Journal of Love" The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1934-1937
March sixteen, 1936 THUREMA was once JEALOUS OF the unconventional AND AFRAID that every thing I did was once possibly insincere and "just to write down about"—afraid of literature. I took her in my palms and lightly defined the variation among human lifestyles and literature, simply as I realized it from my existence with Henry. She was once frightened of the "falsities. " I advised her how good I well-known my actual feelings from my video games, how very true love sweeps away the video games for me. I reassured her, I pressured her into confessions. She is this type of harm, worried, trembling woman—I suppose so protecting. She is the damage one—not I—she has genuine sorrows. i have forgotten all my moods and imaginary dramas now, to keep up her. My love provides her energy, yet I additionally appear to have the ability to harm her. My lifestyles, the fullness of it, what I provide to others, the various humans in love with me—all of it makes her afraid, simply as Henry's previous and pals make me afraid. a chum writes in her diary, "I had lunch with Anaïs this day. She's exquisitely gorgeous and female and that i loved the calm of her subtly perfumed presence. She's the 1st lady i have no longer minded donning fragrance. i believe she is aware me uncommonly good. She's interesting. there is a reserve approximately her, but i do not think in any respect limited in her presence. regardless of her attract and exoticism she's very human and shut to me temperamentally. i am continually comfy thoroughly along with her. I met her agent, Barthold Fles. he is madly in love with Anaïs. " Jealousy motif: The day i purchased an alarm clock to wake myself up, my wristwatch stopped operating! March 17, 1936 one other evening WITH THUREMA, who's apprehensive, highstrung, unsatisfied, explosive. i attempt to aid her. She says it is not a father i want yet a mom. probably she's correct. i used to be anticipating from guy whatever just a girl may give me. it really is challenging to offer to her, simply because she is all emotion and has no energy of study, challenging to assist her. She is damage and stunned through lifestyles. As I seek advice from her, even approximately my lies, I see her vast mouth smiling within the semidarkness, forgiving. Telling every thing approximately my existence capacity Henry, June, Rank, and Waldo Frank. anything is passed over: my Father, minor affairs, the abortion. in the mean time I fail to remember these items. they don't weigh on me. while she comes to a decision that i'm honest, that Joaquin's fears of my degradation are unjust—when i've got received her and given myself with utter faith—then i ponder. If I advised her the remaining, could I lose her? She isn't prepared. purely Rank will be advised every thing, simply because he understood every little thing. and that i can examine her with transparent eyes. at midnight i am asserting, "Don't fear now approximately my lies and trickeries. i am like a magician in a vaudeville express. it is the merely factor that's funny approximately my existence! " "But a few day," stated Thurema, "you'll be stumbled on and them all will throw you out, after which you will have to come to me. " "I dwell from day after day. i'm reckless and brave. snort, Thurema. " and that i start to inform her how i've got promised either Henry and Hugh the cash i am making the following. How I owe Fraenkel 100 cash, plus cash for the printing of my ebook.